MisterNihil.com
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30.5.03I think this page may be the bravest, coolest thing I've seen in a long time. Posted at 5:31 PM "Fucking Fuck!" said the blind man, crossing the street. I walked past him as quietly as I could, so he didn't know I was there. In his reality, there was no other person. In mine, I was hiding nearby, watching him kick his dog and yell. Posted at 11:56 AM - - - - - - - 28.5.03Also, and I don't know if anybody is either a)still reading this, or b)gives a good god damn about him, but Dan Simmons, who wrote Hyperion is gonna be here also, on August 1. It's something I thought was cool. He wrote a new one called Ilium. Posted at 6:09 PM Coming to BookPeople on August 4. The books sounds interesting, if a little nasty. The author, Roach, is a Salon.com columnist. Also, Ann Richards will be here on August 22. I'm glad she's still kicking, and I'm glad she's written a book. She's a kinda regular at the Store where I work. Posted at 6:04 PM - - - - - - - 27.5.03BEANS! grrrr. Posted at 2:38 PM Years ago, when I was in Miami, I had a friend whom everyone called Buddha. Therefor, I also called him Buddha. He was a friend of a friend, and I got to know him through these friends. I can't say we ever became particularly close. Only days before I left Miami forever, I found out that his real name was Jesus. Posted at 1:51 PM Another new book from the catalog: "[This book] combines the powerful, seductive allure of casting real spells (like Harry Potter) with all the pragmatic down-to-earth, do-it-yourself guidance that fans love about Martha Stewart." The tag line of the book is "[the author]Kate West is the real thing. Her witchcraft is about passion, not fashion!" I am bothered. New! Work Miracles like Jesus with Christyflakes! It's as offensive as that. [The "Like Harry Potter" remark was in the original copy. It was not added by me, but was used by the distributor as a selling point of the book. -ed.] Posted at 11:04 AM This isn't new, but I only just heard about it. I don't think that introducing the term "commitmentphobe" into the language is particularly clever. It's like saying you're spiderphobic or height-and-snakephobic or having-my-legs-chopped-off-with-a-bandsawphobic. One assumes there are words in greek for all these things. Maybe the underlying concept is good, but the word doesn't seem clever. I only bring this up because NBN, the distributor, carries a review of the book in their catalog that strongly implies that the book did us all a big favor by introducing the term to the language. I'm quibbling. Posted at 10:50 AM - - - - - - - 26.5.03Small and meek, mousies die at the hands of snakes. Sleek and efficient, snakes die at the hands of trucks. Posted at 12:47 PM - - - - - - - 23.5.03Stumbled onto a computer in the middle of oldtown Fredericksburg. We have bunches of pictures. Life is as sweet as it can be. Right this minute, we're in the middle of 48 hours of completely unstructured time. It's been great. Hope everybody else is feeling at least some of this. The weather's great, and live never felt longer. Posted at 11:57 AM - - - - - - - 21.5.03PS. You gotta love a restaurant where, when you don't finish some part of the dish, they ask you "What? Didn't you like it?" There was then a discussion because I got the ginger ice cream at the suggestion of one of the waitstaff but had considered the cappuccino. Man, what a great restaurant. I'm just sayin' is all. Posted at 4:42 PM Going on Vacation. Be back soon. Posted at 4:08 PM - - - - - - - 20.5.03Nobody calls me Mister. Not really. My parents don't, cashiers in stores don't. Even little lisping kids in old timey movies don't. They say "Hey You," not "Hey Mith-ter." It's something about my bearing or my face, I'm not quite sure. It prevents almost all people from calling me Mister.You may, if you like. Posted at 6:27 PM Some of my heroclix ended up accidentally being shipped to my parents house. My mom called on the phone to tell me. "Mister, you're dollies are here." "Mo-o-om, they're Action Figures." I felt absolutely silly both that I was having the discussion, and that I was having it at age 25. <sigh> At least I don't still live with them. Posted at 6:24 PM This takes a long moment to load, but it's nifty. Posted at 9:50 AM - - - - - - - 19.5.03Oh well. I was wrong on this one. Posted at 12:43 PM Posted at 12:43 PM QuietpiecesPosted at 11:52 AM The quiet of the night and the promise of the stillness of the following day were ripped from him with a twinge from his back. His muscles and his nerves had conspired to deny him peace. He rolled onto his left side, ignored the heat in his back, and closed his eyes. Through force of will, he dropped from consciousness. Posted at 11:51 AM He dreamt of flowers and blood, and insects crawling over his skin. He saw the sun setting behind him and the stars appearing above him. He felt the prick of the insects' tiny legs over his entire body, and then the burrowing of their mouths into his skin. He closed his eyes and fell, endlessly, into the feeling. Posted at 11:48 AM When he awoke, there was no laughter in the house. There was the light he expected, streaming in at all the windows, the dust motes stirred by his very existance, and the thousand years of empty space he had come to expect. But there was no laughter. He turned to the left and right, wondering what was different, stumbled to the bathroom and let the cold water wake him up, in the hopes of sharpening his senses to the point that he could see, and then stood and dripped in the middle of the room, wondering in the near-quiet, where the laughter was. Posted at 11:44 AM Falling endlessly, he said, is like this. Posted at 11:41 AM It is only maintenance, he kept telling himself. Only maintenance. It will be over soon, and everything will run smoothly. Soon, soon. Maintenance isn't supposed to be fun. It isn't supposed to feel good or pass the time quickly. But it will end soon, and everything will exist for a reason again. Posted at 11:37 AM - - - - - - - 16.5.03YAY! VACATION !!!!!(next week) Posted at 5:08 PM I'd rather be here. Oh, and I have reservations for next Thursday! How th'Beans 'bout that? Yay! (and tix to Matrix2 on Sunday. Even Yay-ier!) Posted at 5:04 PM Sometimes, I do mean things just for fun. They are small, but if anyone ever found out, I would receive stern glances. Posted at 11:17 AM - - - - - - - 14.5.03Who is Lord Spiffington? I'll tell you. Tomorrow. Or Friday. Posted at 4:28 PM Yay. Optimism in the face of Human Idiocy. He gives Humanity a 50-50 chance of surviving this century. Posted at 2:28 PM The local paper dropped this comic for this one. How do I feel? Like the local paper dropped a comic I didn't think was funny and replaced it with one that seems to be going through a dry week all of a sudden. Hmm. The curse passes on. Posted at 11:43 AM Stupid, stupid, stupid. (fragment. Recommend revising) My computer is being odd, and so is thr internet. (misspelling. Recommend revising) Nobody's computer seems to work today. (bad contraction. recommend changing word Nobody's) I think I oughta switch back to my typewriter; at least I can fix it if it screws up, and it doesn't give me any crap. (lies. Recommend terminating user) Posted at 11:39 AM Please fill in all blanks: Name: Pdiddle Hastunfeiffier Gorge Address: 7 The Willies, Bronsonville, Marss, 293154-107 Favorite Piece of Music: That's what Zoroaster Said, by Richard Bouquet Favorite Cliche: Orphans with fingerless gloves Posted at 11:06 AM Little kids who scream on elevators should not ride elevators. Posted at 10:30 AM - - - - - - - 13.5.03Gigantic opens in Austin, at the Dobie, 8-1-03. Holy Beans! What is Gigantic, you ask? (PS Angelbob, it'll be in SAN FRANCISCO, CA at the Castro 8/8-8/14) Why, it's They Might Be Giants' BIG MOVIE EVENT MOVIE FILM! Yay! Posted at 3:13 PM - - - - - - - 12.5.03OK, so, the Texas house walked out. There's a news station here in Austin that has been showing the house. Where nothing has happened. For the last four hours. Yeah. That's news. I thought they couldn't top the OJ car chase for stupid excuses to fill the crap between comercials. I live, and I learn. Posted at 10:37 PM I can't link to this enough. Yeah, it's ugly now, but it's got music! Yay Music! Posted at 3:40 PM I was almost physically ill. Posted at 2:47 PM Calmer now, still not happy with the ICC. Posted at 12:28 PM Let me just say, and you can, by the way, quote me on this, the International Code Council are BAD at selling BOOKS. I mean, fuck! If it's volume one of a three volume set, and somebody orders it by name (because your publishing organization, in order to make things convenient, don't use ISBNs internally as the tracking system for books. I mean, it's not like they're Standardized, nor International, or nothin'), you might MENTION that it is volume one of a three volume set. Oh, but wait, if you did that, he might have been able to get the bookstore discount on his order. And that would suck, because screwing people is more fun. I'm really mad, and the International Code Council of Falls Church, VA have Pissed Me Off. Posted at 12:12 PM Man, I'm just sayin' is all. Some of 'em are just for me. Others of 'em are just dumb. I'm sleepy again. Posted at 11:04 AM - - - - - - - 9.5.03Man, I wanna read 'em too, but just not that bad. What's surprising is that the walkers handed them back. I guess they must have perused them on the way to the station. Or hoped for a reward. In America, that shit woulda hit Ebay in a matter of minutes. Posted at 1:21 PM I had a thought which seemed funny to me. See what you think: To people who are vegan or vegetarian for ethical reasons, products like Spam and hot dogs must be, if not a good thing, at least a step in the right direction. Much like the Native Americans, here you've got people who feel the necessety to kill an animal, using the entirity of that animal rather than wasting the kinda nasty bits. Write an essay of 500-700 words on this topic, or your family will be cursed and bad things will happen. See, it's like a chain letter, but it's static. Posted at 1:08 PM Me? Well, here's what I'd say: Any group who honestly believes that this reality isn't the one that matters is a detriment to the society as a whole. I think that's the enormous, gaping hole in Buddhism and the reason I can't get along with most Christians. They can say, without question, that this reality doesn't matter and that there is either a)a better one waiting for them whey they die, or b)actually nothing, which is better than something, waiting for them Right Now. No thanks is what I'd say, personally. There's no reason to live like that. There's no reason to spout that crap. It's blank permission to live life any way you want, because if you screw up this one, there's a better one waiting. Y'know who doesn't believe that? Well, besides Athiests, I mean. Hindus. They believe that if you screw up life, it's actually your own personal problem because you have to come back and live in it again. See, that would contribute to a better society, if it weren't just a thin disguise for keeping the rich on top and the vast majority of people on the bottom. Stupid religion. Stupid Puritainism. Stupid, Stupid Creatures. That's what I'd say. Posted at 10:59 AM It's Never Not Been as Good as It Isnt About to Not have Been Right Now. Posted at 10:41 AM Wuva, Chuff? Posted at 10:40 AM - - - - - - - 8.5.03Oh, hey, and by the way, Grrrr. Ahh. Makes me proud to be American. That's probably enough of that. You can do your own search on Ravitch, "Thought Police." Posted at 5:16 PM See, it's funny to me 'cause WackyTabacky made it on there. Posted at 4:14 PM HA HA HA Thank you Dave Barry's Blog. Posted at 4:11 PM - - - - - - - 6.5.03Badmonkeynotreat. Posted at 10:12 AM Neat. Posted at 10:10 AM - - - - - - - 5.5.03That isn't the point. The point is CAKE!Posted at 3:10 PM Sorry. I used the wrong word back there. Illnesses should be feigned, not faked. Posted at 3:10 PM There's nothing for me to do here. I want to sneak away early, but I don't think I could get away with it. Maybe I could fake illness... Posted at 2:07 PM Hey, Angelbob: Response to a post you made on a Joke that American Greetings didn't think was funny. For anyone who doesn't know, here's the joke. Posted at 1:39 PM - - - - - - - 2.5.03Chuff Posted at 4:14 PM - - - - - - - 1.5.03Wow. Among the uglier pages out there, and it's got a dumbass FAQ. Q. Are POP'ABLES™ Brand Candies the Azz-Kikkinest candy to hit the strizzy since sizzy-wizzy tafizzy? A. POP'ABLES™ Brand Candies Certainly are, Young Person! They Rock the Hizzy! So, get yo' snizzy on with POP'ABLES™ Brand Candies and Ice Cold Milk*! They're the Shiznit**! * milk is a registered trademark of the Dairy Council Posted at 4:34 PM Here's something I learned by doing returns to tiny presses across the nation: Just because they have an -800- number doesn't mean they answer said number. Posted at 4:19 PM I stepped outside, looked at the day, and realized: It is a Tuna Salad Kind of Day. Posted at 4:18 PM See? Instant gratification. Posted at 3:31 PM It's back up. Posted at 3:25 PM My page is down. I am sad. Posted at 3:16 PM How not to make a sale, a dialog by Mister. Customer: EXcuse me! Employee: Yes, hello. Welcome to StoreFront. How may I help you? C: I'm looking for a book. You don't have it. It was a bestseller in Jamaica in 1942, and it was by an author named Stevenson, or Steven, or Sam. E: I'm sorry, what? C (agitated): HelLO, don't you speak ENGLish? I said, I want a book. I know YOUR store doesn't carry it, but I need you to check, it was a bestseller in Jamaica in 1940, and it was written by a man named Steve, or Sam, or John. I don't remember, but that doesn't matter. Don't you have an index of bestsellers by region? I KNOW that ConglomoBooks would know this one. Why Don't You? All I want is for you to be able to fill a simple reQUEST. Why can't you fill a simple reQUEST? What, do they hire MORONS in this store? E: ...you were picked last for everything High School, weren't you? C (exits): I WON'T BE COMING BACK!! E (quietly) Yes, you will. You'll be back for the same reason you came in. They threw you out of all the other stores in town. Hmm. Back to my nap. Posted at 2:20 PM My computer here at work has a case of the dry-heaves. I think the main cooling fan is going out. It sort of works in fits and starts, like, <groan> <groan> <groan>. Poor my computer here at work. On the plus side, it isn't called PoP'ables. That'd be silly. Posted at 12:17 PM - - - - - - - | All material copyright 2002-2003 Ben Gibbs. | |||||||||
